RSI/Fibromyalgia and how I saved my butt from it

Pain is awful and chronic pain is that kind of awful that drains every inch of your energy, crippling your everyday activities. Especially if the pain is so strong it leaves you crying on the floor for days, filling your days with fear and terror, wondering if you ever be able to live a normal life again. I've been there and it sucks. But what if I say I was able to deal with it and return to my activities again? What if I say that reading a blog, a Reddit reply, and a book kickstarted my healing?

It usually starts with overwork. ...Or does it?

My story will begin very similarly to any other artist's RSI stories. I'm a freelancing artist myself. Since around 2014/2015, I began working on a game with my partner, which was finally released in November 2020. The development was fun in the beginning but you know how it goes. Eventually, life/family/health stuff and so on happened and I had to sacrifice more than my leisure time. I also had to sacrifice job & networking opportunities.

Animating was the most straining thing to do, sometimes requiring 2 months of constant work, crunching. And it was painful - I remember my partner massaging my wrists at night. But the majority of my pain came from my upper back, neck, and shoulders.

In mid-2020 I was pretty much unable to sit at the desk. I was bedridden, only being able to test the game with the mouse and doing screenshots of bugs and glitches. It felt as if I had a flesh-burning stiff armor of pain on my shoulders. I felt that my body was broken.

Fighting RSI

It was the end of 2020 and I wanted to spend the entire 2021 on recovering: myself but also whatever was left from my past freelancing life. I visited an orthopedist who said I was overworked, so I decided to tackle that.

I got myself physical therapy, massages, and returned to walks - my favorite outside activity. Unfortunately Covid pandemic hit so I had to pause my recovery a bit. I remember spending my days laying flat, Joycons in hands, with the Switch held above my head tied to my easel. Don't ask. Makeshift engineering is what I do.

Eventually, the initial restrictions were lifted and soon I:

• exercised even more
• changed the ergonomics of my workspace
• had more frequent breaks (used Pomodoro Technique)
• walked more
• got a TENS unit
• got more massages and even acupuncture (!)
• started going to the pool (even learned how to swim!)
• ate supplements and vitamins
• bathed in some salts
• applied salve on the hurting areas
• used Joycons to draw
• even got a weird Razer keyboard that looks like a tool to bring doom to your enemies (nifty!)

So, I did pretty much everything I could to limit the strain and overwork. And while I could resume some activities the deepest pain didn't go away! On the contrary! It seemed to get worse at times! What gives? A really sorry state, as we just announced that we are working on a second game.

There was clearly something wrong with me, and since I'm one of the most stubborn people on the planet, I was going to find the real reason behind all of it and properly heal it. 2021 was ending. I still had time and money and a lot of physicians in my city.

I don't think it's RSI anymore

I changed my GP and the new guy was darn enthusiastic about everything. Things began to move. From now on the story gets super convoluted with all those doc checkups I had, so let me quickly sum it up:

• got an X-ray of my neck, which showed some degenerative changes (which meant more PT),
• did an MRI of my neck and chest for a better look. Thyroid was enlarged,
• did a lot of blood-tests, including thyroid hormones and Lyme disease (these can cause similar symptoms),
• did USG of my thyroid. It's the beginning of Hashimoto. But the organ still works fine and it couldn't be responsible for the pain.
• a neurosurgeon said my X-rays and scans had nothing that should cause the pain, he hints at Lyme
• a neurologist said I was overworked, ignoring the Lyme
• more blood-test and an infectious-disease specialist confirmed that I had Lyme at one point. But I recovered and that's not the cause of the pain,
• a shoulder surgeon didn't find anything significant either,
• no pain-killers, anti-inflammatory drugs, and muscle relaxants worked,
• an osteopath made it worse.

During the time I looked around forums and Reddit for anyone who has recovered from a similar RSI without surgery. At one point I found this sad topic. However, one of the replies mentioned full recovery by reading books and doing some journaling to fight repressed emotions and stress. That sounded weird to me but the post clung to me regardless.

• Discovered Andy's blog, a cartoonist, that described my experiences pretty accurately. Yet, he managed to crawl back. So, I reached out via email and got a reply. He is doing fine and well! So it's possible to get your life back! That was a glimpse of hope I needed!

Yet, what I found alarming was the fact he gave up in the middle. That's when the stresses let him go and the pain left. It looked like when all physical treatments failed, fighting depression and stress was crucial. But was... it really it? Was I this strong to give up on my dreams and yet again disappear for 2 years to recover...?

And as 2022 began, I became very depressed. I felt particularly sad, riddled with awful mood swings - very related to the pain was experiencing. It was unbearable. And this is when I decided to give up. I didn't want it all to go in vain, however, so I contacted some guys in my network (in a rather dramatic way) to support me once I'm back.

A rheumatologist appointment was still on my schedule. That's when things changed. He said what I have feared the most: it's likely fibromyalgia. He prescribed pregabalin and told me to do some reading about the topic. And heck, I read! I learned that chronic RSI is very likely regional fibromyalgia too! And that there's no cure! I couldn't believe it and I was so devastated. It looked like I have a syndrome that spreads pain to my body using fear, and that thought alone was scary as fuck.

The psychosocial origin of chronic pain?

Out of options, I went back to that odd Reddit reply. So, Dr. John E. Sarno noticed that chronic pain, when all physical causes for it were excluded - is likely psychological in origin. Often, just reading his books could cure the symptoms!

My analytical mind was astounded and to someone with a master's degree in biology, this smelled like pseudoscience - a big nono! It was so hard to believe that I spent the next several days researching the topic. And the stuff is deeper than what Sarno originally wrote. I'd say he had a hunch. A very good hunch that helped many. It just took years for science to catch up and find the explanation in neuroscience.

In short, chronic pain can be of psychosocial origin. It can develop quite reliably in people who tend to catastrophize, worry a lot, who are anxious and depressed. Usually, these behavioral patterns appear in people who lead stressful lives or are after traumatizing events (eg. PTSD). And rightfully so as these patterns help to survive in life-threatening situations. Even though a family meeting is rarely life-threatening...

And while there's a lot more to dig into, what is important is that once you know about this and start approaching life in a more optimistic and mindful way - the chronic pain is likely to cease. As seen in these cases below:

• How I solved RSI Repetitive Strain Injury
• I cured my RSI / Fibromyalgia / Chronic Fatigue with Jedi Mind tricks!
• How I Eliminated my Chronic Pain through a Mind-Body Approach
• A counselor’s journey to healing from chronic pain

Everything so far checks in. Doctors couldn't find anything and the fibromyalgia is on the dish. The personality traits match up. I grew up in domestic violence and was exposed to harassment till mid 20s. Living in fear became normalized and I'm likely, unknowingly, in a trauma state. Suddenly, all pieces came together.

The recovery

If there's one thing that keeps me going is my stubbornness. I'm like an unstoppable force, slowly reaching my goal. I knew now that my body is absolutely fine and that I wasn't broken. I was normal. And I've been like that this whole time. That's already 100% better than where I was before. It was about time to rewire my brain. And start enjoying life again.

Within a month I:

• made a counter-evidence list (to prove to my brain that symptoms weren't structural),
• looked for any triggers that could subconsciously ring the pain-alarm as a conditioned reaction,
• slowly started doing activities I feared
• began meditating and paying attention to my emotions and symptoms,
• learned how to overcome my fear of pain,
• began thinking positively and mindfully,
• started addressing and expressing my emotional state (the hardest part imo!).

And thus, within 3 weeks I regained most of my mobility and functions. At one point it felt like having a weird superpower and learning pain-bending. My quality of life improved. At the ~4th week mark, I got some temporary side effects (nausea, anxiety) but also became 80% pain-free and could paint freely! Life was getting even better now. And this is probably the weirdest, the strangest story I will ever be able to tell. The last thing on the list, though, was the trauma in my brain for which I managed to find an ISTDP therapist nearby (lucky!), fingers-crossed.

As of March 5th (5th week), I feel like I'm in control again. I have 2 amazing freelancing gigs; lots of time and opportunities to play, grow, do hobbies; and I'm making another game :) And life is cool.